You may see or hear people say ‘preferred pronouns’, but we recommend not using the term ‘preferred.’ Gender isn’t a preference - it’s just who we are! Pronouns reflect our identity to the world and thus they aren’t a preference they just are. Additionally, understanding that a pronoun doesn’t tell you everything about someone’s gender is an important way to show that you understand that gender identity is complex, and everyone’s gender identity and expression is a little different. Using the correct pronoun for someone is a crucial way to show that you recognize, acknowledge, and accept their gender. It is one of many experiences which can make them feel rejected and dysphoric in their gender. Many people whose identities do not fit the binary or whose gender doesn’t align with their sex assigned at birth face being called by the wrong pronoun on a day-to-day basis. At the least it would feel and sound strange at worst it could be humiliating and hurtful. But imagine if someone always used the wrong pronoun for you - even after you corrected them. This means that for most cis men, ‘he/him’ feels and sounds right, and for cis women ‘she/her’ feels and sounds right. Many cisgender (cis) people (people whose gender identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth) have never had to think about their pronouns - they can take them for granted, because their pronouns have always aligned with their gender identity. To start, you may wonder why everyone makes such a big deal about pronouns.
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